Dear Eric: My husband has been having an affair with a neighbor two doors down. Not only have I caught them multiple times, but I also confronted both separately and recorded video and audio after telling them I would.
He said he wanted to take a polygraph; he failed on every question, on two separate polygraphs by two separate companies.
I’m unable to work due to my health issues and have no family or close friends to help me get out.
My main problem is he swears that I’m making it up, verbally abuses me, and tells me I am crazy. By the way, she is also married, and her husband refuses to “allow me” to tell him what is happening. It’s been going on for more than 10 years now. I’m broken and not just monetarily and have no options. No money, no job, no hope.
Please, give me a miracle suggestion.
—Emotionally Dead
Dear Emotionally: This is a terrible situation. I understand the stress and pain you’ve been through; it’s not right and you shouldn’t have to endure it. While I’m short on miracles, a more earthbound but potentially effective solution would be to talk to a divorce lawyer. You don’t have to stay in a marriage that’s unhealthy for you, for any reason. And even though you don’t have income, as a married person you have shared assets. Depending on the divorce laws in your state, and the other circumstances of your marriage, you could also be entitled to spousal support or other forms of support that can keep you afloat. A divorce lawyer can and will listen to your story and review your options with you.
As you say, you have evidence as well. So, conceivably, you’d be able to file for divorce on the grounds of infidelity. But, again, even without evidence, the most important fact is that you’re unhappy. You don’t have to put up with verbal abuse, being called crazy or any other forms of spousal betrayal. In addition to contacting a divorce lawyer, please reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org, 800-799-SAFE). Verbal abuse is abuse and there are people and organizations available to help you escape it. Operators at the hotline can point you to resources in your area.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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