Dear Eric: My friend who lives in the same apartment building doesn’t drive. She insists I take her shopping or to other places. She knows I don’t like to drive, especially when she doesn’t give me gas money.
I keep telling her to ask other people for a backup. I’m ready to just say no most times. She’ll never get mad at me. Should I just say no?
— No Guilt
Dear No Guilt: Yes. I notice that you say your friend insists, rather than asks. That’s a problem. It seems she’s treating you like her personal taxi rather than a friend helping her out.
Have a calm but firm conversation with her in which you tell her that you need to find other solutions for getting her to the store and to other errands. If you want, you can help her brainstorm. Perhaps there are other friends or relatives, perhaps she can make use of a grocery delivery service, perhaps she can use public transportation, if available in your area.
Doing kind things for friends can be mutually beneficial. We don’t always need payment as thanks. But when these generous acts don’t come with mutual respect, they can turn into resentments. Better to be honest with your friend about what you can and can’t do, than to risk the friendship.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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