Dear Eric: My 31-year-old daughter does not write thank you notes. I am chagrined by this because I’ve modeled this for years; she is more than capable of doing so.
She had a very small wedding. Not one thank you note was written. Nor did she write thank you notes after receiving gifts for high school and college graduation.
I’m giving her a baby shower soon. I’m toying with the idea of giving her a package of thank you notes at the shower to hopefully compel her to do so. Yet, at the same time, I don’t want her to feel embarrassed (or do I?). What should I do?
—Unthanked
Dear Unthanked: A pointed presentation of thank you notes in the middle of her shower is a spicy option, but I think it would most likely just derail the event and come off as passive-aggressive. Plus, her embarrassment would likely supersede the lesson you’re trying to teach her.
She’s grown, so her habits don’t reflect on you as much anymore. Yes, she should be thanking people for gifts. But if she doesn’t, that’s between her and the gift-giver. Stressing about it isn’t going to get you anywhere.
However, if you want to talk to her before the shower and make the notes a prerequisite of your hosting, that might be an effective gambit that allows her to enjoy the day without shame.
Dear Eric: I have a suggestion for the letter writer who was in church leadership. The letter said there was an older lady who volunteers but sometimes doesn’t show up or cannot do all the tasks due to cognitive issues (“Trying to be Kind”).
Ask her to be the ‘Greeter’ at any/all events. This way she can introduce herself and meet other church members. If she fails to show up, maybe there will just not be a greeter at that event.
—Volunteer
Dear Volunteer: This is a great idea. Right-sizing the volunteer task helps her and helps the church.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
©2024 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
If you purchase a product or register for an account through a link on our site, we may receive compensation. By using this site, you consent to our User Agreement and agree that your clicks, interactions, and personal information may be collected, recorded, and/or stored by us and social media and other third-party partners in accordance with our Privacy Policy.
