Dear Eric: I am a 55-year-old single female. I often get asked out on dates with men that I am not interested in. I recently met a man, and we have been going on great dates. I really enjoyed hanging out with him until his sister-in-law came to me and said things like, “don’t like him; don’t catch feelings for him. Just have fun with him and get what you can from him.”
I still like hanging out with him. Should I tell him what she said? Or just keep it to myself and just keep my guard up?
—Dating Dilemma
Dear Dating: A lot depends on whether you have a pre-existing relationship with the sister-in-law. If she’s just coming to you out of the blue and giving you dire warnings, it doesn’t mean she’s wrong, necessarily, but there’s no reason for you to trust her. How do you know she has your best interests in mind?
So, keep your guard up but also talk about it with the man you’ve been dating. Maybe he has more insight, maybe he’ll have a response that gives you a different view of him, maybe she’s completely right. If you’re getting to know someone in a romantic context and their relative is talking trash about them, it’s very helpful to ask them why that might be.
Lastly, think about what you want from this relationship, what you’re expecting and what you want to give to it. As you gain more information – good, bad, neutral – it’s important to weigh it against your own needs and expectations. Maybe he’s fine for you for now; maybe you’ll discover you want something more. Staying clear-eyed can help you avoid getting hurt.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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