Asking Eric: My boyfriend’s daughters have no interest in meeting me

Dear Eric: My boyfriend and I are in our early 80s. I am divorced and his wife died over two and a half years ago; we have been dating slightly more than a year. We do not plan to marry, but we are in a lifelong, committed relationship. We feel blessed to have found each other at our age.

My family and friends have warmly welcomed him into their lives, and even my ex-husband thinks he is wonderful.

He has two daughters, 29 and 39. His daughters have let him know that they have no interest in ever meeting me. He is very fond of both of them and is hurt that they are not happy that he has found joy in his relationship with me. This makes me sad.

My friends tell me that I need to let this go. My question to you is, should my boyfriend say anything to these daughters, or should he let it go, as my friends advise me to do?

—Rejected by Daughters

Dear Rejected by Daughters: While this response is sad, it’s also understandable. The daughters are likely still processing their grief and struggling to see their father as a full, complex human being who is able to still love their mother while also loving you. This can be a hard transition. But neither you nor your boyfriend should let that stop you from continuing to experience this love.

I’m inclined to agree with your friends. Let them work through this on their own. Your boyfriend can’t accelerate their processing. If he says anything, the focus should be on how the three of them can continue to have a loving relationship while also respecting each other’s boundaries. They can protect their hearts without hurting his.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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