Dear Eric: I’m worried I’ll lose my longtime friendship. I met S several years ago when we lived closer to each other. She probably is the closest friend I’ve ever had. Her husband, T, sometimes joined us, but mostly it was S and me.
About three years ago, I moved several states away from S. Of course, I miss our friendship. When I have other obligations in her state, I try to stop for a few days.
Her husband now has small cameras indoors and out. I find this a little creepy. I found two in the bedroom I sleep in. I felt like I was being watched all night. It upset me so much, I’m having trouble going back.
I’ve struggled with talking to S about it as it would not only hurt her, but it would also drive a wedge in her relationship with T. I don’t want to be responsible for either one of those things.
I think S would say no to meeting up somewhere neutral. She had planned to come here, but it fell through, and she was bringing T. Please help me save this precious relationship.
— Missing My BFF
Dear BFF: You may be taking on too much responsibility for S and T’s relationship dynamics. If a simple request about feeling secure in the place where you’re sleeping hurts her or drives a wedge in her marriage, that’s largely her responsibility. I don’t write this to be callous. But think of what you’re actually asking: you don’t want to be filmed while you sleep. This is not unreasonable in the least.
There may be more complicated dynamics going on between S and T. So, having a friend say, “This made me uncomfortable, and I just want to check in about it,” may give S the opportunity to confide in you or to see things differently. You want your friendship to thrive, but you also want your friend to thrive, and if that’s not happening because of her marriage, she needs someone in whom she can confide.
A starter script might come in the form of a check-in: “You really matter to me, and I miss being so close to you. I’d love to visit more but the cameras made me uncomfortable. Can we find a solution?”
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
©2024 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
If you purchase a product or register for an account through a link on our site, we may receive compensation. By using this site, you consent to our User Agreement and agree that your clicks, interactions, and personal information may be collected, recorded, and/or stored by us and social media and other third-party partners in accordance with our Privacy Policy.
