Dear Eric: I wanted to respond to your advice to “Lonely At Night”, whose marriage was in trouble, and whose husband refused to be physical. The letter writer wanted to get a dog for company, to which the husband was also opposed. You stated that if the wife wants to get a dog and the husband does not, she should get a dog anyway. This is a dangerous recommendation for the dog.
I have worked in dog rescue and adopted my own rescue dogs.
I have seen way too many times that when one person wants a dog and the other does not, that poor dog suffers from neglect and, quite often, physical abuse from the party who never wanted the pet. Then they end up kicked out of the home, given to dangerous shelters or just suffering from the stress of moving to a new home.
This person needs to adjust or leave her situation. NEVER get a pet that’s going to be at risk.
—A Concerned, Knowledgeable Person
Dear Person: I erred in my advice by not adequately considering the impact that the conflict in this home would have on a dog. I greatly appreciate you pointing this out. Getting a pet won’t solve underlying fractures in a relationship. While adopting can bring a deeply meaningful connection with an animal into one’s life, the letter writer would be wise to wait until the home is more stable—either through counseling or through separation—before pursuing pet adoption.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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