Asking Eric: I hardly see my son’s family, but they find time for his in-laws

Dear Eric: We hardly ever see my son, daughter-in-law, and 8-year-old grandson. Their time is very skewed toward my daughter-in-law’s family. We get along very well with my daughter-in-law’s parents, and we consider ourselves friends. We have never had words or any hint of a problem with my son and daughter-in-law.

But it very clearly seems we are not on any of their brain waves. We had a discussion about it a few years ago, and they were surprised and apologetic that we felt so left out. They had promised to make a better effort at getting together, but nothing really changed.

I’ve taken it upon myself to call every so often and invite them over or offer to take my grandson out for the day, but they’re always booked up with other activities. I’ve made sure not to be the kind of mother/mother-in-law that constantly nags their kids that they don’t visit enough (like my mother used to do, which irritated the heck out of us).

So far, I know I get to see them Christmas Eve, Easter, and Thanksgiving. I don’t know what to do. It’s really getting to us. To the point that I just want to move to another state so I’m not around to be left out.

—Neglected Grandmother

Dear Grandmother: Let’s assume the best and chalk a lot of this up to your son and daughter-in-law being caught up with the demands of life and parenting a little one. I know it probably feels personal (and only getting to see them on the three holidays seems low for people who live nearby). But try to put that feeling aside for the time being.

You should talk to them about this again but frame the conversation around working together to see each other more. Maybe you’d like to see them once a month. Ask how that might be possible with their schedules. Tell them you can do the legwork. Perhaps it’s by babysitting or attending one of your grandson’s activities with them. Maybe you can bring dinner to their house.

I worry that, at least in their minds, the logistics of visiting you have become complicated. That’s not your fault, but you may have to take an extra step to correct it.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)