Dear Eric: I had cancer a few years ago, and as a result, I lost my hair. It grew back in patches, but I still appeared to be bald.
I purchased a wig that was my hair color and my hairstyle.
My dilemma is, I don’t know how to reply to those who compliment my hair not knowing it is a wig. If I just say “thank you” I feel like I am lying. If I tell them it’s a wig, they usually appear embarrassed and wish they hadn’t said anything. Do you have any suggestions?
– Hair Dilemma
Dear Dilemma: I have a friend who sometimes wears wigs. On occasion, people with poor impulse control will ask her, “Is that your real hair?” To which she responds, “Of course, it’s my real hair. I bought it.”
I empathize with your desire to not mislead, but you don’t owe anyone any more commentary on your hairstyle than you feel comfortable with. So, in response to compliments, try to practice saying “thank you” or even “yes, I’ve always liked this style” without judging yourself. Remind yourself that if someone is going to feel deceived should they find out the hair they so enjoyed didn’t come from your scalp, that’s a reflection of their poor character, not yours.
Similarly, any embarrassment is theirs to negotiate, too. So, if you want to celebrate the journey you’ve been on by talking about the wig openly, do that with pride. You never know who you might encourage.
Dear Eric: I was moved to respond to the writer whose mother has become mean toward her since the loss of her husband and son (“Distant Relative”). I would encourage the letter writer to consider cognitive decline as a possible cause.
My mother and I always had a challenging relationship, but in her late 70s her behavior toward me got really mean. It was only in hindsight that I realized it was the beginning of her mental decline. When she became mean to her favorite granddaughter, we all began to realize something was wrong and she was diagnosed with age-related dementia.
– Been There
Dear Been There: Per the Alzheimer’s Association (alz.org), personality changes can, indeed, be a sign of cognitive decline or other health issues. The letter writer should consider speaking with her mother’s primary care physician or another medical professional. The association website also has good resources and other warning signs.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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