Dear Eric: I am writing because I don’t know where to start and how to begin getting out of horrible depression. I can’t turn my mind off. I’m afraid of dying and what’s after death. I’m afraid of being alone for the rest of my life (I’m 54 years old). I go to work and come home, or I’m watching my grandkids (who I just adore). I can’t lose weight. Nothing is positive and/or worth getting out of bed for. I feel so blah, yucky, and worthless. Please, where do I start? And how do I start?
— Cure for Sadness
Dear Cure: I understand how overwhelming this constellation of feelings is. And even making a small start can feel like a huge task. So, don’t be hard on yourself and keep in mind that feeling better is a series of small changes, efforts, trials, and practices that can snowball.
Start by talking to your primary care physician. Be honest about what you’re thinking and feeling. Your doctor will be able to use your medical history to inform the discussion about what’s going on now and may have some remedies. Your doctor might prescribe medication or refer you to a psychiatrist who can help you decide if antidepressants are a good option for you and help you find a therapist.
Also, be honest with your loved ones about where you are, emotionally, and what you’d like to be different. If, for instance, you want to feel that life is worth getting out of bed for, it may help if a friend volunteers to regularly take you out to brunch. You may not always feel like going to brunch, but having something on the calendar and putting one foot in front of the other can help shift the way you feel.
You’ve already started, by the way. You reached out and said, “I want this to be different.” While you may feel stuck in your circumstance right now, your letter also shows that you believe change is possible. It absolutely is. Give it time and give yourself grace.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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