Dear Eric: Two of my friends are planning a girls trip that I do not want to be involved with. They are planning it for when I am off of work so I can’t say no.
Although we have been friends for more than 30 years, I recently discovered that these women shared very different political beliefs and morals than I do, which wouldn’t normally be a problem. However, when they drink, hatred and lies spew from their lips. It makes me very uncomfortable, and I don’t want to be around them.
Part of the reason for this trip is to bring some fun to one of the women, who recently lost her husband to a terminal illness. As much as I want to take care of her and show my support, I don’t think I can tolerate spending an entire weekend halfway across the country with these friends.
How can I get out of this girls trip without causing a rift? Neither of the women know my political beliefs, and I’m afraid that if I ask them to avoid talking politics, they will then understand that I disagree and try to convince me to think like they do.
—Keeping Politics Out of It
Dear Politics: I’m going to take a somewhat hard line on this. If you can’t stand behind what you believe, especially in the face of what you describe as hatred, what’s the point of believing it?
It’s one thing to not want to get into it with friends. Not every conversation needs to be a debate. But if you can’t ask for what you need—and if they can’t love you enough to give it to you by changing the subject—it’s hard to see how this friendship moves forward.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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