Dear Eric: I’m asking for advice about one of my sisters, the fourth of five. Four years ago, my husband of 35 years unexpectedly died—he was gone within eight hours of entering the ER. It was traumatic for me. My large family of siblings showed up.
At the time, the sister in question phoned and said she couldn’t come because her daughter was having her third child, but she would come in a month or so. Time passed and no visit.
Three months later, my house burned down. Again, the phone call, with promises of coming to see me; never happened.
It’s been almost four years now with little or no communication from her. Meanwhile, she and her husband have traveled the world extensively with their children and friends.
I think part of the issue is that she has always been envious of me and my life. She married money and hasn’t worked a day in her life; I, on the other hand, have worked very hard, started my business, and built my own wealth through hard work and wise investments.
She talks down to people (especially servers) and it is hard to be around her; clearly, she thinks she is better than everyone else.
Should she contact me, should I tell her what a horrible person she is? Or should I just not answer the phone? I don’t miss her in my life, but eventually, I know I’ll have to deal with this, but how?
— Tired of the Neglect
Dear Tired: Let the call go to voicemail.
She didn’t show up for you in times of need. You, also, from your telling, don’t really like her. I don’t see what hashing it out on the phone is going to do.
Sometimes a relationship exists in name only. Sometimes we realize that people have saved us the trouble of removing them from our lives through their own failure to show up.
This may sound callous; I don’t mean it to be. If you were interested in reconciling or improving your relationship with your sister, I’d offer different advice. But the conversation you’re envisioning would add little but stress. I don’t see how it helps either one of you.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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