Dear Eric: There is a group of us (five or six) who play a tile game regularly each week. While we are all friends — sharing stories, food, life events, etc. — there is one person who continually monopolizes the game.
She will hold the bag of tiles during her turn and talk, not passing it until she is done. While this is a social time, if you are waiting to play (and also hard of hearing) it becomes a nuisance.
Recently, she has also started reading her email during the game, actually talking about each one and clicking a reply to each. This is while others are playing. Then, of course, when it’s her turn, she looks up from her phone to tell a story and then plan her move.
I must confess I seem to be the only one annoyed by her behavior, so maybe I just need to let it go? Any suggestions?
—Turn the Other Tile
Dear Tile: Oh my, this would annoy me, too. Especially the reading and replying to emails during gameplay. How interesting could these emails really be?
Even if it’s not evidently bothering other members, it’s affecting you, so there’s little harm in inquiring about it.
Sometimes I like to approach these … let’s say, quirks in personalities with curiosity first. So, you might talk to her one-on-one and say, “I’ve noticed that you check email while we’re playing the tile game. Is there a reason?” Maybe there isn’t a reason, but it opens up a conversation. Yes, you could go up to her and say, “It’s annoying when you do this,” but there are only a few potential responses to that, and most of them aren’t hostile.
Starting with a question also sets you up to let it go if need be. Maybe it’s just how she likes to keep her mind occupied or helps her concentrate. Maybe she doesn’t see it in the same way you do. Context, I find, is often a stepping stone to acceptance.
That said, if it’s so distracting to you that it impedes your gameplay, it’s also fine to ask her to pull it back a bit or to find other ways of engaging with the game. The group gathers for social interaction and to pass the time, so it’s fair for you to advocate for what you need to make the social time truly enjoyable.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
©2024 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
