Asking Eric: How should I handle uncomfortable questions about my heritage?

Dear Eric: As a Spanish-American, my ancestors from Spain have resided in the United States since long before the first Thanksgiving.

When one acquaintance inquired about my origin, I assumed he meant the city I recently relocated from. He clarified by asking if I was from Guatemala. In a social context, that question is exclusively directed at me. I have also encountered strangers who have initiated such inquiries. In such instances, I find it appropriate to reciprocate the question in order to alleviate any discomfort or awkwardness.

I have light skin and brown eyes, which may lead one to assume that I should blend in. I am proud of my Spanish heritage. But obviously, there is something that sets me apart. Maybe it’s my last name.

I generally refrain from inquiring about individuals’ origins unless it arises naturally during a conversation. It’s not a huge concern, but an annoying one. How would you respond?

— Where Are You From

Dear From: Though it can be an innocuous question initially, the follow-up “where are you really from?” shows that there’s a narrative in the questioner’s mind that may or may not connect to reality. They may be trying to find commonality, but many people who experience this kind of questioning find that it actually highlights differences. The question can imply, “I don’t understand what I’m seeing; explain yourself to me.” And that’s not appropriate.

When it comes to personal information, like history, heritage, racial makeup, and origins, you don’t have to share anything with anyone. So, if the answer you’ve given isn’t accepted, answer the question with a question: “Why do you ask?”

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

©2024 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.