Dear Eric: The letter writer “Family Conundrum” wanted to include her recently widowed sister in holiday events, but the sister was nervous about navigating airports. She wrote, “I’m torn between respecting her feelings of discomfort and being heartbroken at the thought of her spending Christmas alone.”
When my mother-in-law turned 85, she was not comfortable navigating the airports, layovers, etc., to visit the rest of our family 3,000 miles away. Easy fix! Either I or my son would fly to her house, spend a couple of days there to help her fix a few things around the house, help her pack, and fly with her to the family for the holidays.
After the holiday airport rush, I would take her right to the gate of her direct flight, board her, and her neighbor would be at the receiving gate and assist her to get her luggage and drive her home. She had many good friends that were so happy to help at the other end.
She loved spending time with us each year, until she passed at 90. Because of this arrangement, her great-grandkids still have wonderful memories of her holiday traditions, recipes, and her life, even though they only saw her maybe twice a year.
— Full Holiday House
Dear Full Holiday House: I like this fix a lot; thanks for writing in with it. Others also suggested that a family member accompany the sister on her travels or help the sister request assistance at the airport, such as wheelchair service. If she’s amenable to it, this is a wonderful alternative.
I also want to underline something that stuck out to other readers and with which I should have led: the first step for this letter writer and anyone who is trying to get a grieving relative or friend to a celebration is to ask the person what they want. “All things being equal, all airports being navigable, what would you prefer? We can make it happen, even if what you’d prefer this year is to be alone.”
Everyone grieves in their own way and while it’s important to be with people who care about us and can support us, it’s also important for those who care about us to hear what we’re asking for and to make space for it.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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