Dear Eric: Our grandson, who is still married but separated from his wife of five years, wants to visit at Christmas for a week with his new girlfriend. We would love for him to visit but not with any new friend.
How can we tell him without hurting his feelings and damaging our relationship? Or should we open up our home to him and his new companion and make the best of it?
— Uneasy Grandma
Dear Uneasy Grandma: Entertaining a person you don’t know for a full week is a bit of a heavy lift, if you ask me. Even though your feelings about the situation are no doubt affected by the newness of the relationship and the unfinished nature of his last relationship, it’s probably best to focus solely on the question of whether you want to make this holiday about getting to know someone new.
It’s fine to talk it through with your grandson. You can tell him that you are looking forward to seeing him and what the holiday means to you.
Tell him, also, that you’re happy he’s found a new relationship, but ask if you can separate meeting her from the holiday. Maybe this is less possible because of the logistics of travel, but it’s worth talking through why this has to happen right now.
If you can, try to stay away from blanket statements like “you can come but she can’t.” Instead, talk about the holiday you’re envisioning and listen to what he says he’s envisioning. There’s a compromise in there somewhere.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
©2024 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
