Dear Eric: At 75, I have been getting rid of stuff for years to get ready to meet my maker. Unfortunately, my son’s new girlfriend thinks I can’t afford decorations. I pass on all the lovely arts and crafts she gives me to the Goodwill.
I don’t want to tell her that I would prefer a handmade coupon for a lunch date at the cafe of my choice or other useful items. I’d love fragrance-free soaps and shampoo, canned tuna fish or stamps. I’ve just gotten rid of a lifetime of clothes and prefer an austere life now. Advice, please?
– Downsizing Dilemma
Dear Downsizing: Friend, you’re already there! You’ve downsized everything, including the potential conflict. In your letter, you’ve figured out the problem and a solution that could make everyone happy. So, just tell her the truth. You’re still building a relationship and the best way to do that is to communicate, kindly and helpfully.
Before the next gift-giving holiday, let her know exactly what you wrote to me: I’m downsizing, it’s freeing; here’s what would be really valuable to me. You can even model it by giving her a coupon for a lunch date to show you mean it.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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