Asking Eric: How do I tell roommate his bedroom behavior is sketchy?

Dear Eric: Currently, I am living with my significant other at his son’s apartment. We pay rent and have our own room. His son is 36 years old, divorced with no kids. He is a pleasant guy and seems responsible.

Last night, he let the daughter of a friend stay over, and she slept on a bed in his room. She is 12 or 13 years old. I am horrified. I don’t believe that anything inappropriate is going on, but this is still inappropriate on so many levels.

I am a retired criminal defense attorney, and I also was an ADA in juvenile court. I have seen just how badly this can go. All she has to do is get upset about something and make an accusation, and he is toast.

He works in maintenance for the local school district. Job lost, no getting it back. Friendship done, not getting it back, and a question mark hanging over his head constantly. People will always have a little suspicion about him.

My question is, do I talk to him? He’s not my son and he hasn’t asked. I’m afraid I would just offend him, and he’d kick us out. But this is just not appropriate. And honestly, I’m surprised her parents are OK with this. What are your thoughts?

— In a Quandary

Dear Quandary: This raises a lot of concerns for me, too. For the child and the adult, it’s perplexing at best, harmful at worst. Talk to him about it for two reasons.

First, even though you’re a guest in his home, you’re still entitled to bring up things that make you uncomfortable. This is a shared space, and his choices about this shared space alarmed you. At the very least, he can answer those questions so that everyone can peacefully coexist.

The second reason is your professional experience. He may not be seeing what you’re seeing. Even though he may not agree with your take, you’re not accusing him of anything or telling him what to do. You’re sharing an informed perspective.

Even at its most innocent, this choice that your partner’s son made indicates that there’s a need for more communication in the home.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)