Asking Eric: How do I make friends as an adult who just wants to be left alone?

Dear Eric: I retired a couple of years ago. Like many people, I’ve realized that most of my friends and acquaintances were work-related. My family doesn’t live close, and I’ve always been a loner, so this doesn’t usually bother me. Recently, I needed a “responsible adult” to drive me home from surgery and struggled to find someone.

Most of my interests are solitary. Senior centers offer crafts that don’t interest me. I’m a woman who has never related much to other women and am not interested in a relationship at my age.

Bad experiences with organized religion make me uncomfortable with churches. I’ve tried volunteer work, but since these are mostly church-run, I felt ignored or ostracized after declining church invitations.

I know some of this is on me, but how do you make friends or find another responsible adult when you’re over 60?

—Loner but not alone

Dear Loner but not alone: I don’t want to negate your experience, but much of this isn’t on you. Many struggle to maintain social connections, and retirement can surprise adults with new social challenges.

Consider seeking groups or activities not limited to seniors. You might find common interests in a chess club or sports league. Intergenerational friendships can be rewarding and easier to form.

You could also try a part-time job that interests you, where coworker connections might develop. If not, you can always leave the job.

While it doesn’t immediately solve finding a “responsible adult,” online groups focused on shared interests, hobbies, or projects often provide connections more effectively than local community groups. These connections can lead to local relationships, which might be nearer than you think.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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