Dear Eric: My dilemma is about Christmas cards. I am separated from my husband of 25 years, and while it’s mostly amicable, I feel disingenuous including him on the card this year. Our divorce will be final less than a month after Christmas. I am also going back to my maiden name, so I thought it might be a good way to announce that as well. We share four children (and a cat), who I’d like to include. Any ideas on wording that is classy or funny to express this new family identity that doesn’t skew weird or inappropriate?
—I’d Still Like to Wish You a Merry Christmas
Dear Merry Christmas: Hmm, this was an interesting challenge. Perhaps something like “There’s a new name, and a new family arrangement, but the warm wishes are the same.”
Or you could lean into a seasonal motif: “This holiday, we’re moving into a new season of life, so you’ll see a different name on the return address, but know that my love for you lasts year-round.”
Or funny: “Is it regifting when Santa brings you your maiden name for Christmas?” Perhaps follow that last one up with a sincere sentence or two to reassure folks that everyone is happy and healthy.
There’s also a simple solution of taking a photo of yourself with your kids and cat, signing it with your maiden name, and letting people infer or speak to you directly if they want more information. There are some who advise against announcing divorces in holiday greetings because divorce can be sad. However, it’s your card and your life and you don’t have to hide it. Holiday cards and letters often encompass the full breadth of what goes on in a year — love, loss, and all the rest. So, if you want to share it, do.
Readers, I invite you to improve upon my work. If you’ve written or received other holiday greetings from folks announcing a divorce, please send them in. I’ll publish some of them in a column next month so that you can put them to use in future years.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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