Dear Eric: My house has become a mess—clutter everywhere—after going through a season of depression. I’m now in counseling, on medication, and finally starting to feel better, but the mess feels too overwhelming to tackle. I’m ashamed to ask anyone for help, and I really want to get my home back in shape on my own.
I’d love to be able to have people over again. Even though I do see my friends out, I still feel isolated, and I’d like to start dating, but right now I can’t imagine inviting anyone into my home.
How can I start making progress and get my space (and confidence) back without feeling completely defeated?
—Uncluttered House
Dear Uncluttered House: Start with one corner, or one drawer, or even the corner of one drawer. It’s easy for all of us to get overwhelmed when faced with the daunting task of undoing clutter that took months to accumulate in one go. And it can feel like failure to work all day on decluttering or cleaning and still feel like “the mess” is everywhere.
So, it will help to give yourself meaningful and manageable benchmarks as reminders that you are making progress, inside and out. And that progress isn’t always shocking or linear or exactly how we picture it.
Perhaps your internal monologue says something like “I will clean this whole house today.” And then, when you don’t, it says, “See? I could have cleaned this whole house, but I am a failure.” Makes it hard to want to break out the dustpan and the Swiffer.
Try an opposite mantra. “I will NOT clean this whole house today.” Pick that drawer or that corner and tell yourself, “I will work on only this. I will get it to ‘good enough.’ And I will celebrate myself for that.” And every time you feel like a failure, or feel overwhelmed, look at one of those decluttered corners or drawers and remind yourself, “I did that. And I can keep doing that when I’m ready.”
This process may make it easier for you to ask for or hire help. As your acceptance and confidence grow, the desire to do it all on your own may lessen. Or you may find that you can make a big leap forward by hiring a hauler to come take away something big, or a professional declutterer’s team to tackle a stubborn room.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
©2024 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
If you purchase a product or register for an account through a link on our site, we may receive compensation. By using this site, you consent to our User Agreement and agree that your clicks, interactions, and personal information may be collected, recorded, and/or stored by us and social media and other third-party partners in accordance with our Privacy Policy.
