Dear Eric: Many companies are training their employees to “be friendlier.” Now, when I go to pay for my groceries or have bloodwork done at a lab, someone invariably asks me, “so what are you doing the rest of your day?” I find that to be very intrusive from someone I don’t know and may never see again. I understand they have been trained, so it isn’t necessarily their fault, but I need a better response than “who wants to know?” or “why are you asking me this?”
— Trying to keep boundaries
Dear Boundaries: Something general and meaningless can help divert small talk such as this. “Oh, not sure” or “enjoying it, I hope” or “this and that.” These are empty calorie phrases that keep the ball in the air without forcing you to divulge anything you don’t want to divulge.
It’s also helpful to keep the context of these questions in mind. These people aren’t prying. As you said, they’re trained to make small talk so that customers feel comfortable. Depersonalizing the ask can help. When someone asks, “what are you doing for the rest of the day?” remind yourself that this is not actually a question designed for you. They’re talking to you, but they’re not actually talking to you, if that makes sense.
It’s also fine to assert your internal boundary in a friendly but direct way. “Thanks for asking, but I’m not much of a chatter. I hope you’re having a good day, though.”
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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