Dear Eric: Even before the pandemic, I worked a remote job full-time from home. However, I have always had to deal with people (friends, family, neighbors, etc.) thinking that “working from home” equals “free to do whatever I want, whenever I want.” I get a lot of requests to “just go out to lunch today” or “let’s have an early happy hour” or “let’s go shopping.” Mostly these come from people who are either (A) retired, (B) have flexible schedules or (C) are on shift work that does not take place when I am working.
I am very dedicated to my work and generally, unless I have a medical appointment or something of that nature, I am working. Therefore, in response to these invitations, I have explained (multiple times) that I am working the same eight hours that everyone in an office works — but they don’t seem to be getting it. “You can take off just one hour!”
I just keep explaining my hours, but I can’t be the only one going through this, right? What does everyone else say that can’t be construed as rude?
—Eight-Hour Day
Dear Eight Hour: Some light rudeness might be in order because these people are just not getting it and at this point it seems intentional. OK, let’s call it “pointed directness.”
The shape and nature of remote work varies job-to-job. Some people can catch a happy hour or long lunch and not suffer any consequences, but most others can’t. Your friends seem to be willfully ignoring this. So, I wouldn’t waste any more time and energy trying to explain it. If these requests are coming in during the workday, you might put those contacts behind your phone’s Do Not Disturb feature, so you don’t have to engage with them until you’re clocked out.
You might also respond to the next invite with a firm reminder: “I work the same hours every week. I want to see you when I’m off, but please stop inviting me to do things during the day. It makes me feel like you don’t respect me.”
The barrier between work and home life can be harder to navigate when there’s no physical separation. But you have a clear internal boundary, which works for you and for your job. It’s healthy to let people know that if they don’t respect the boundaries we’ve set, we sometimes have to remove ourselves for the health of the relationship.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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