Dear Eric: If someone keeps getting party invitations from someone they would rather not associate with frequently, and occasionally accepts having run out of excuses, is one obligated to reciprocate if one really doesn’t want to? Should one simply decline without reasons?
— Don’t Want to Be a Guest
Dear Guest: One of my favorite excuses for not doing something is “I prefer not to,” Bartleby the Scrivener-style. You don’t have to share this with the party host, of course. But “no, thank you” is a complete sentence.
You may want to have a conversation about your relationship, especially if you don’t want to be around them. But if it’s going to cause more trouble than it’s worth, just decline.
Dear Eric: “Caught in Feelings” (July 24) wrote about finding intimacy outside her marriage and your solution was to propose an open marriage. Asking for an open marriage first dodges responsibility and denies reality, which would be no better for “Caught” than her husband.
Frankly, it sounds like neither one of them is really invested and an “open marriage” will probably only lead to an even more acrimonious divorce.
— Closed Honesty
Dear Closed: A number of readers pointed out that although “Caught” said her husband wouldn’t go for a divorce, it wasn’t solely his choice to make.
When a letter writer dismisses a possibility out of hand, I don’t circle back to it because that feels unproductive.
However, many of you were right: “Caught”, if you want a divorce, organize your finances, consult a lawyer and file for divorce. If you want to stay married, the original advice stands.
Dear Readers: On July 14, a letter writer expressed anxiety about a persistent cough. Dozens of letters poured in with stories of similar situations. Although the letter writer didn’t ask for medical diagnosis or advice, the response was so strong I wanted to share some suggested causes and home remedies. This is not medical advice. If you have a medical issue, please see a doctor.
Some readers found out that their coughs were caused by: Sensory laryngeal neuropathy; blood pressure medication, specifically an ACE inhibitor; bronchiectasis and Mycobacteria Avium Complex; a bacterial infection called Helicobacter Pylori (or H. Pylori); acid reflux; a hiatal hernia.
And for relief they turned to: Coca-Cola; visiting a voice teacher; chewing a marshmallow; a speech pathologist; the Bastian Voice Institute in Downers Grove, Illinois.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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