Dear Eric: I’m a 40-year-old single mom of twin 5-year-olds. I’m a professional woman, but due to my commitments to my children and the overall daily grind, I have little to no time for socialization and dating.
However, I need occasional help around the house, and my cousin (let’s call her Jen) was kind enough to refer me to her handyman. He’s helped me with several projects over the last year, and I sense a mutual physical attraction.
I am aware that my cousin had a sexual relationship with this man at some point long ago, but it was never serious, and she is currently in a new relationship and very much in love.
Would I be awful to pursue this new friend? I am lonely and find very few opportunities to meet new people with my time constraints. I could really benefit from some fun.
— Lonely in NYC
Dear Lonely in NYC: Awful? No. If you’re worrying about betraying your cousin, she can’t (and doesn’t seem to want to) lay claim to every former paramour. But there are a lot of intertwined relationships here, so I would tread more carefully than if the handyman was just a casual acquaintance.
First, there’s the fact that he’s working for you, specifically in your home. If you were to pursue a relationship with him, I’d first find another handyman and be clear with him about why.
But you’re both adults and any adult entering into a romantic or sexual relationship should be communicative about boundaries, pitfalls, and needs. So, you and he should have an adult conversation before going any further. What are your needs, what are his, what are the concerns, where do things get hazy? Is what you want — something that fits into your life and schedule — what he wants?
It sounds like your ideal situation right now is something simple. And even though he’s attracted to you and already in your home sometimes, I don’t know that this is as simple as it seems.
If this was a Hallmark movie — call it “Mr. Fix-It,” perhaps — the courtship would be sealed by a series of glances and a sudden rainstorm. But life is not a Hallmark movie. No offense to Hallmark movies, we’re better for it because we get to talk things out and avoid confusion. No rainstorms needed.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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