Dear Amy: My husband’s father died when my husband was only 3 years old.
His father had a sister, “Anne,” who never had anything to do with my husband and his siblings while they were growing up, but has surfaced over the last couple of years.
She has given my husband some things that belonged to his paternal grandfather, but other than that there has not been much contact.
Recently, out of the blue, Anne asked my husband and me to watch her 2-year-old dog (a black Lab) so she could have a break and settle her husband back into their home after having surgery.
We took the pup into our home, but at the same time I told my husband I thought it was odd that she would ask us.
I’ve laid eyes on this woman twice in the 36 years I’ve been married to my husband.
The pup was very unsettled and my husband ended up taking the dog back to Anne’s home during the night – after spending two days with us.
A week or so later we received a thank you note, and she wrote that she was hoping we could take the pup every now and then as a favor to her.
It feels very awkward to me.
I told my husband from the start that I had a feeling she was going to use us as her dog sitter.
My husband and I have been through a lot in the past couple of years, which includes losing our only child.
She was not here for us then.
This feels very wrong to me, but I’m wondering what you think?
– Dog Sitter?
Dear Dog Sitter?: I think your husband’s aunt is going to have to find another dog sitter.
No matter the underlying circumstances, no one should house someone else’s dog in their home if they don’t want to (this is not good for the dog or the humans).
And you don’t want to do this. It’s that simple.
I suggest that you respond to “Anne’s” heavy hint immediately, in order to head this off at the pass. Respond to her note: “We made ourselves available to watch your dog when you asked, but unfortunately, this is going to have to be a one-time favor. We just aren’t able to take this on, and we’re letting you know quickly so that you can find another dog sitter or kennel for the next time you have a need.”
Dear Amy: An acquaintance of mine from many years ago recently joined an association that I have been involved with for years.
I had known her for about a year when she abruptly stopped answering texts.
I now understand what “ghosting” is, and what’s even more perplexing is that I cannot think of anything I did to cause this sudden break.
How do I deal with her now that we will most likely be working alongside each other occasionally and attending meetings?
– Ghosted
Dear Ghosted: You should deal with this person with a sense of equanimity and an attitude of politeness.
Your perspective might shift if you view her simply as someone you used to know, versus someone who rejected you through “ghosting.”
You might revive your acquaintance through your mutual work for this organization. She could take the opportunity to offer an explanation for her abrupt withdrawal – and this explanation might reveal that it had nothing to do with you.
If this explanation is not forthcoming, once you feel more comfortable with her, you could ask her what happened, and let her know that if she cut you off because of anything you did, you’d appreciate knowing about it.
Dear Amy: Regarding the woman who wouldn’t do laundry [”Wits End in Wisconsin”], but watches hours of videos on her phone, I’d like to offer that this is classic ADHD behavior.
I wasn’t diagnosed until my late 50s (a few years ago), and treatment helped me enormously. It has also removed a great deal of stress from our marriage, since my behavior over the years finally made sense to both of us.
I wish I’d gotten diagnosed much sooner, because it really would have improved my quality of life.
– A Reader in Oregon
Dear Reader: A few readers made the same observation about this person’s inability (or unwillingness) to complete an agreed-upon task in a timely manner.
I don’t feel comfortable or qualified “diagnosing” anyone from such a distance, but I do urge anyone with similar challenges to seek an evaluation.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
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