Dear Amy: I am a middle-aged, happily married woman with a wonderful husband. We have a relationship that others spend their lives trying to find, and we are both extremely grateful.
I am not social, and I am not conscious of my appearance.
I never wear makeup. I am a jeans and T-shirt type of woman. Also, I’m a bit overweight. I don’t fit the typically “girly” stereotypes.
Given all of that, why do men continually try to hit on me and chat me up?
I grew up with two older brothers and have a history of having platonic male friends of all types throughout my life.
I talk about my wonderful life and relationship with my husband, and it doesn’t seem to stop these men from hitting on me.
What am I doing wrong? And why me?
— Sick of Being Hit Upon
Dear Sick: You are not doing anything wrong. Your crime is to attempt to move through the world, minding your own business.
Women who are “girly” and wear makeup and feminine clothing are not asking to be hit on. Women who wear jeans and T-shirts are also not asking to be hit on. Women jogging, riding bicycles, walking their dogs or talking with their friends are not asking to be hit on.
I have a caveat, however. I grew up in chilly New England where people tend not to speak to people they don’t already know. But I spend part of each year in New Orleans, a city where people are so outgoing and gosh-darned friendly that — it is almost off-putting. And yes, oftentimes strange men will call out and comment about hair, clothing, or urge me to “smile more,” rudely intruding into my comfort zone. But occasionally they are also only saying, “Hello!” It can be hard to decode the difference between someone being friendly and someone trying to “chat you up.”
In my view, you should never get far enough in conversation with a strange man to wax on about your wonderful husband. Men who hit on random women are pulling a power play: they don’t care if you are married.
Dear Readers: In July, R. Eric Thomas will start a new advice column, “Asking Eric.”
You can send your questions to eric@askingeric.com.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
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