Dear Amy: Our youngest son is transgender.
Our daughter refuses to include him in family gatherings unless he goes as his former name and gender.
I have been going along with their separate holidays because my daughter and her husband have young children and they don’t want to explain anything about transgender issues to them.
It is often the only time my husband and I are invited to see the grandchildren.
If I insist my daughter accepts her (now male) sibling, I believe we would no longer be included as well.
I feel like a coward, and it is difficult having separate family holidays.
We’d welcome your thoughts.
– Sad Mother and Grandmother
Dear Sad Mother: Your son can’t “go as” his former name and gender because life isn’t a costume party. He should not be forced to cosplay as a woman in order to be in his sister’s living room.
Your daughter has created an alternate reality for herself and her children where your son does not exist. She has decided to erase him.
And you have gone along with this. Not a parent’s proudest moment.
I think you should let your daughter know that you are genuinely sorry that this is so hard for her, but that her choice has caused you a lot of heartache, and that you can’t erase one child in order to admit another.
Dear Amy: “Unsure” wrote to you that they had discovered they were half-siblings with a brother through genetic testing. The mother then confirmed they had been conceived through IVF.
You questioned whether they were actually half-siblings, but genetic testing on one person would reveal DNA relationships with everyone.
– Correction Needed
Dear Needed: Many readers had issues with both the question and my response. My assumption was that the true DNA sibling relationship would only be revealed if the brother also submitted for testing. My apologies for the confusion.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
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