Ask Amy: Is it too much to ask to eat at a restaurant without getting hit on?

Dear Amy: I am a single woman in my mid-50s. I never married or had children and like it this way.

I enjoy people, but am a classic introvert who recuperates her energy by being alone.

I enjoy going to museums and restaurants on my own. There is a restaurant/bar right down the street from me that I enjoy going to.

Recently, I went to this restaurant by myself and sat at the bar to have a drink and maybe eat something.

I wasn’t there for long when a man came up beside me, saddled up, and took up conversation with me. I really didn’t want to talk to him, and I didn’t want him sitting next to me.

I stayed polite and after an hour or so, I said goodnight, nice to meet you, and left. I did not want to eat with him next to me.

This week I again went to this restaurant by myself. This time I decided to sit at a table, hoping not to be approached by strangers.

Now, for the first time in my life, a man came up to my small, two-person table, pulled out the opposite seat, and sat down to join me without even asking or introducing himself.

The waiter arrived with my food just as this man had taken up an uninvited place at my table.

I asked the server to instead box up the food to go, as I didn’t want to eat with this stranger sitting at my table.

I took my food to go, left, and was super annoyed.

How would you suggest handling men who approach a woman who is not interested?

I feel as though men assume a woman is looking for company simply because she is on her own, and this is not the case.

— Perplexed

Dear Perplexed: If you want to drink or dine alone and not engage in lengthy conversation, you have the right to do that.

If you are at your favorite local place, there are extra seats at the bar, and someone (man or woman) sits right next to you and wants to engage in conversation, you can say, “I’m going to eat here, so let me give you some extra room … ” and move your seat. Make eye contact with the bartender to let them know you’re moving.

Unless this restaurant is one of those communal places where people pull up a chair at long tables, no one should ever sit at your two-top without being invited. Ever.

If this happens again and you don’t feel comfortable confronting the person who encroached upon you, you should immediately engage your waiter and/or restaurant host and ask them to handle it. You could wait at the host’s station while they remove the interloper and then return to your table.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)