Dear Amy: I love to travel. It’s almost an obsession, and age (I’m over 80) has not dulled my desire to GO. I had a good job and saved so that I could travel a lot in retirement.
My husband, however, has lost a lot of his wanderlust, and will only go if I beg and plead.
To keep us both happy, I take one or two trips a year by myself. I have learned to enjoy being alone for a couple of weeks without having to worry about anyone else and what THEY might want to do.
I’m happy to get home at the end of each trip, because I do miss my husband after time away.
My problem is with girlfriends who keep asking to come with me.
At my age, a large portion of my girlfriends are either divorced or widowed.
I like all of them or they wouldn’t be my friends – but there are very few that I’d want to travel and be with for a couple of weeks.
Some are inclined to be negative, some talk all the time (I read in the evening), and many complain a lot about their health issues.
What do I say to stop this constant haranguing?
We are currently away, and I invited one very easy-going lady, with whom I’ve been friends since the age of 3, to join us for part of the trip.
I posted a picture of the three of us on FB, and one woman was so upset that SHE hadn’t been invited, that she canceled a visit with her that I had planned long ago.
Should I just stop talking about upcoming travels?
– S
Dear S: Overall, it is unwise to post about your travels – while you are away. There are many practical reasons for this (the first being that you should not telegraph the fact that you are away from your home). Being discreet about your travels would also spare you from the burden of your friends’ hurt feelings.
Savvy people save their social media posts for after they’ve returned home, unpacked their bags, and edited their photos.
You should not let people guilt you into including them on your travels. (You should also not guilt your husband into joining you if he doesn’t want to go.)
You are not a tour guide. You are the travel agent of your own life.
If you sincerely believe that people are “constantly haranguing” you, then you should tell them, “I’m firm about this, so I wish you’d stop asking,” but you need to understand that people have the right to ask anything of you. You might have to say, “No, that wouldn’t work for me,” every single time.
You might suggest to these friends that they should consider booking a tour or a cruise and travel together.
Road Scholar is a nonprofit organization organizing tours and experiences for elders. You might recommend this to your circle of eager travelers (roadscholar.org).
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
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