Dear Amy: I am the “maid of honor” for my best friend’s wedding, which is happening this summer.
It’s a big job and I have done my very best to step up in all of the expected ways. Like other people who have faced this demanding role, it can strain a friendship – but my friendship with “Chloe” (the bride) has survived just fine.
So far, anyway.
Last week, Chloe texted me to say that she has just sent out the invitations and that “William,” my very steady boyfriend of several years, has not been invited.
She texted me that she feels terrible about this, but this was because of “serious space constraints.” She has planned for 125 guests at the reception.
Chloe has met William several times (we live out of state), and she knows that we live together.
I’m completely shocked by this exclusion, and I don’t know how to respond.
Any ideas?
– Mad MOH
Dear Mad: One of the most basic guidelines concerning wedding invitations is that engaged couples, long-time partners, and couples living together should be invited as a couple.
“Chloe” might justify her rudeness by thinking that her attendants will be very busy on her wedding day, and because you won’t be able to spend much time with “William” during the ceremony and reception, she might as well exclude him.
My instinct is that this is yet one more sacrifice you are expected to make as her maid of honor. Some honor, right?
In terms of responding, I think you should be calm and very clear. Speak to her: “Chloe, I’m asking you to invite William to your wedding. I’m sorry that you feel pressured, but it’s the right thing to do. I have stepped up in many ways to make this day great for you, and I’d appreciate you finding the space for him.”
If she freaks out, don’t respond right away. Just wait quietly.
After a week or two, you should have an answer from her.
In my opinion, either way you do have an obligation to carry on with your role in the wedding, but the longer-term friendship might take a real hit.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
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