Dear Amy: I have a friend whose husband died suddenly more than eight years ago.
She speaks very often about how difficult her life is without “Bart,” and how perfect their marriage was; she is financially secure and has many friends.
She is in therapy.
I, and all of her friends, listen to her talk about this man and we sympathize with her. I know there is no right timetable for grief.
Recently she put a full-face picture of her long-dead husband as her profile picture on her cellphone, so that whenever she calls me Bart’s face pops up.
I find it disturbing to see the face of this long dead man on my own cellphone.
Is there any reasonable way I can let her know that I respect her grief, but the cellphone photo is disturbing?
– Disturbed
Dear Disturbed: This is a confusing issue, and I was unable to confirm if there is a way to “block” or “hide” someone’s contact picture without blocking them. Depending on what kind of phone you use, you might check with your carrier to see if it is possible to delete or reassign someone else’s profile photo.
Your friend might not realize that “Bart’s” photo pops up when she calls you.
(In my phone, the photos that pop up are ones I’ve assigned to various contacts.)
Rather than describing this as “disturbing,” you could start by asking her, “Do you realize that whenever you call me, Bart’s photo shows up on my phone?”
She might tell you that she has deliberately set it up as her profile photo.
If this is her intent, you could tell her, quite honestly, “When you call me, I’m always startled to see Bart’s face. It takes me a minute or two to get oriented. Have other people mentioned this?”
After that, I think you should let it go.
Dear Amy: I’m responding to the “Future Coach,” who wondered if it was OK to text with student-athletes.
In my school, there is a rule of absolutely no texting between staff and students.
We also had a rule that a teacher could not become a social media “friend” of a graduated student until after that student graduated from college. This protects both teachers and students.
– Former Teacher
Dear Teacher: Great guidelines, although I wonder how they cover students who don’t go on to college.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
©2024 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
