Dear Annie: I really don’t like having my picture taken because I don’t feel photogenic. I’ve asked my husband multiple times not to post any photos of me on his social media without my permission. However, every now and then, he disregards my feelings and posts them anyway. Each time, I remind him of how I feel and ask him to respect my wishes.
Recently, he did it again, but this time, when I brought it up, he became furious. He shouted at me, saying I was accusing him of being a bad person.
Should I try to overlook my discomfort and allow him to post, even though it bothers me deeply?
—Without Permission
Dear Without Permission: The answer to your question is simple: No, you should not overlook your discomfort. You’ve made it clear that you don’t want your picture posted, and when your husband disregarded that, he was being disrespectful. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect for each other’s needs and boundaries.
His shouting and defensiveness seem like attempts to shift the blame onto you, which isn’t fair. This kind of behavior often signals that someone knows they’ve done something wrong but doesn’t want to admit it. Keep standing up for yourself. If he raises his voice again, calmly walk away and make it clear that you will not tolerate being spoken to that way.
And please, if you ever feel unsafe or threatened, don’t hesitate to seek help. The National Domestic Violence Hotline can provide support and resources at thehotline.org.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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