Dear Abby: I have been dating “Gary” for six years, but he has never proposed. I’m very independent. My husband died when my kids were small, and I had to raise them and keep a roof over our heads, which made me even more independent. In fact, there are times I don’t think I even want to remarry.
Gary and I love each other. We get along well and do a lot of things together. I know we are lucky to have each other in our lives, but there are times I want to break off our relationship because he hasn’t asked me for a commitment, and I still want to find somebody who wants to commit himself to me. Although Gary says he is committed, I know being engaged isn’t a magical solution either. I have been engaged before.
I have tried breaking it off with Gary, but he never takes me seriously. I have felt this way for most of our relationship. I am a counselor, so I know about typical recommendations such as attending therapy. Should I stay, or should I go? Trying to go has not worked out in the past. I need some advice.
— To Marry Or Not In Illinois
Dear To Marry Or Not: It’s time for a candid discussion with Gary about your feelings. Tell him that after six years, you need a commitment from him, and WHAT EXACTLY THAT ENTAILS. If you do, it may help you to clarify in your own mind what you need and what you think is missing. I don’t think you need therapy to figure this out — you simply need to be honest with yourself.
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