The new Picklewich from Jimmy John‘s is, unfortunately, exactly what is advertised. It‘s a stumpy “sub sandwich” served on a jumbo pickle.
I like pickles as much as the next person. I even think a pickle bun is a fun idea. But in practice, this thing is weird, unsettling and hard to eat.
It‘s also expensive, costing $8.19 for a six-inch torpedo of brine and meat that doesn’t fill you up as much as a normal sandwich.
This isn‘t a sandwich. It‘s a lunch item that’s been cursed by a briny eldritch entity from the pickle-verse.
This makes me really miss bread. Remember bread? They should serve a sandwich served on that. I bet it would be popular.
The “Picklewich” from Jimmy John’s | Review
There are two versions of the Picklewich available: a turkey version and the Vito (Italian sub) version. Jimmy John’s also has some limited edition dill-flavored pickle chips as part of the promotion
Both sandwiches suffer the same critical problems. They‘re unwieldy to eat and regardless of what version you choose, it‘s impossible to get past the fact that you’re trying to shove chunky slabs of de-seeded briny cucumber into your face.
Taking a bite out of this sandwich is weird. I felt like I was committing some sort of crime. It was like biting the middle of a banana while the peel is still on.
The process is oddly tense, like trying to crack a watermelon. You have to apply an uncomfortable amount of pressure to actually get through the veggie armor and properly take a bite.
You also have to be careful. This sandwich has serious structural integrity issues. It’s as slippery as a pyramid of toads and just as weirdly wet.
Every moment the Picklewich is in your hands, it is actively rebelling against you — not unlike a cat that doesn’t want to be held.
The most effective way to eat this is to unhinge your jaw and shove it all in there like a big Scooby-Doo sandwich. It won‘t be fun or comfortable, but it’s your best chance to avoid spraying errant veggies across the room.
What does it taste like?
Turkey & Provolone Picklewich: Unsurprisingly, the dominant flavor here is pickle. You get an overall wash of pickle-y flavor that is lightly haunted by the aftertones of turkey meat.
Provolone is a good choice for cheese here. You can just barely sense it keeping pace with the rest of the sandwich.
There is also lettuce and tomato on here. I don‘t know why. The lettuce is useless. It just gets everywhere — like packing peanuts.
Then there’s the tomato, which is an ungovernable menace just waiting for the chance to make a jailbreak. Maybe it‘ll stay on. Maybe it will squirt halfway across the room.
Oh, you’re wearing a nice pair of slacks and a nice shirt? It sure would be a shame if an oil-slicked tomato slice belly-flopped all over them.
Vito Picklewich: This version has a lot more going on, featuring salami, capacollo, provolone, onion, lettuce, tomato, oregano-basil and oil-and-vinegar dressing.
That’s right, this is oiled up even further.
The Italian meats do a much better job of balancing things out. You can actually taste the deli meats keeping up with the pickle exterior.
However, the structural integrity issues are still there. You have to try your best to corral this thing while taking a bite. It’s like trying to hold back a mud-covered dog that wants nothing more than to jump on your brand-new couch.
This sandwich is in an active state of revolt. It‘s waiting for you to make a mistake. It’s going to make its escape eventually, whether it’s on the first bite or the third.
Jimmy John’s Pickle Potato Chips: These are pretty straightforward. They taste like salt and vinegar chips with a little bit of a dill buzz at the end. I will say, the salt flavor is strong.
So is it any good?
It’s a nightmare, expensive and everything is overpowered by the pickle.
On the other hand, it’s a low-carb, low-calorie sandwich option. The turkey Picklewich is just 190 calories, while the Vito version is 310.
If battling a slippery pickle kaiju sounds appealing, then sure, try it. Enjoy your oily Jenga tower of deli meats and weirdly hard vegetables.
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“I ate it so you don’t have to” is a regular food column about off-beat eats, both good and bad. I picked the name years ago and now we’re sort of stuck with it.
You can send any praise/food suggestions to nomalley@masslive.com. Please send all criticisms and complaints and weird pickle fascinations to dgagnon@masslive.com. You can check out the rest of the series here.
