Dear Annie: On Dec. 19 of 2022, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Ahead of time, my husband and I talked with both sets of our parents and we all agreed that we would not be exchanging Christmas gifts that year. I wanted for Christmas to be quiet so that I could focus on my newborn and healing my body. Everyone said they understood.
Christmas came and went. We FaceTimed all the new grandparents and set dates for them to come visit their new grandchild. When my dad and his wife visited, they brought us gifts. I felt embarrassed telling them that I appreciated it, but I didn’t have anything for them in return. They assured me it was fine.
My dad texted me a few days later extremely upset that I did not get him anything. He said it was very thoughtless of me and made him feel like he didn’t matter. I was baffled. I explained that we had already talked about not exchanging gifts, so I truly thought it was OK to stand by our no-gift-giving plan. No matter what I said, he was insistent I had ruined Christmas for him. I felt extremely guilty.
Since then, he has never mentioned it. I haven’t either. This past Christmas, I made sure to buy my dad a few things, but only because I felt obligated, not because I wanted to. It’s completely changed the meaning of Christmas for me.
I still feel very hurt by his reaction, and I wonder if I should have said or done something differently. Please help me move past this.
— New Mom
Dear New Mom: First off, congratulations on the birth of your now 1-year-old baby girl. The only one that is acting like a baby in this matter is your father. It makes sense that you would feel a little bit pushed into buying your father a gift.
Since you still are carrying hurt about your dad’s reaction, why not speak with him about it and tell him how you feel? Most times an open and honest conversation has the power to transform your feelings from being hurt to being listened to and understood.
Dear Annie: Your recent column recommended the “golden rule” for dealing with a tricky relationship. May I suggest the golden rule nurses practice: “Do unto others as THEY wish to be done to.” One person’s wishes for how they want to be treated don’t always work for someone else. This means finding out what that person needs.
Nurses are experts at interviewing and communicating with patients to make an assessment and plan for individualized care. This works for personal relationships that are “other-centered” rather than self-centered.
— RN
Dear RN: Thank you for your letter. I love the Nurses Golden Rule! Thank you for your work of service. Nursing is one of the most important professions in the world.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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