Dear Annie: Struggling with leaving my addicted and deceitful partner

Dear Annie: For the past year, I have been in a “relationship” with Alex, who has simultaneously been involved with two or three other women. Despite this and a 15-year age gap, we generally get along well and share many things in common.

Recently, however, I’ve uncovered some deeply troubling truths about him. Alex is an addict, and his behavior reflects this; he lies, steals, cheats and denies the truth when confronted. I’ve tried to cope with this chaos, but it has taken a toll on me. At times, I’ve even stooped to petty acts of revenge in a “tit-for-tat” dynamic, despite knowing it’s not healthy. Honestly, I’ve reached a point where I don’t care anymore.

Here’s my dilemma: While I logically understand what I should do—walk away—I’m struggling with the emotional attachment I feel to him. I’ve loved him for so long that it’s hard to reconcile those feelings with the numbness and disillusionment I now experience. How do I navigate this? Is it possible to disentangle love from attachment in a way that allows me to heal and move forward?

I’d deeply appreciate your insight on how to move past this and rebuild my sense of self.

—Leaving an Addict

Dear Leaving: Thank you for sharing your story. It’s clear you’ve endured a lot and have lots of understandable hurt feelings.

It’s important to recognize that love is meant to uplift and nourish, not leave you feeling numb or drained. While attachment might feel like love, the patterns of dependency in this relationship may be keeping you stuck.

Remember, letting go isn’t about giving up; it’s about making space for the love and peace you deserve.

You might want to check out an Al-Anon meeting near you. They have helped many people whose loved ones are in the middle of their addiction.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.