Dear Annie: I have been employed at this local government agency for years and have had the pleasure of working closely with “Catie” for the past four years. While we are not in the same department, we have collaborated on numerous projects and have developed a close friendship.
Over the course of our friendship, I have come to care deeply for Catie. I have hinted at my feelings on occasion, and she has been receptive to them. However, I have never taken any physical advances, as we are both happily married.
Recently, I have been feeling dishonest with her by not directly discussing my feelings for her. I believe that it is important to be open and honest with her about what I have been going through, and I would like to make a confession to her in order to clear my mind and conscience.
I hope that you can provide me with some guidance on how to approach this situation in a respectful manner.
— Mutual Caring Friends
Dear Mutual Caring Friends: Interesting that you care so much about honesty with Catie, yet you deny your wife that same courtesy. If you really want to clear your conscience, drop the work crush and start focusing on your “happy marriage.”
Dear Annie: I have a great husband and a wonderful life, but for the last few months, something’s been weighing on me. My best friend, “Amanda,” is having an affair with a married man.
I’ve known Amanda since we were kids. We went to the same college even and have been through so much. I’ve always considered her to be like a sister to me. But when I found out she was having an affair, I was shocked and hurt.
I tried to talk to her about it, but she just brushed me off. She said that it’s not my business and that I should mind my own. But I can’t just stand by and watch her do this to herself.
I’ve always been of the belief that infidelity is wrong. It’s not only hurtful to the person you’re cheating on and the other person’s partner, but it’s also hurtful to yourself. I’m worried about Amanda — that she’s going to get hurt and that this is going to ruin her life.
I also feel hurt as a married woman myself. My husband and I have been together for almost a decade but married four years now, and I can’t help but think how I would feel if I knew my husband was stepping out on our marriage for another woman, like this man is doing with Amanda.
Do you have any advice? I want to help her, but I don’t know how. I’m afraid that if I confront her, she’ll just push me away. But I also don’t want to just stand by and watch her make a mistake I believe she’ll regret for the rest of her life.
— Worried Wife and Friend
Dear Worried Wife: You’ve done your best to talk sense to Amanda, but it sounds like she’s not ready to listen. Sometimes, our loved ones have to learn their own lessons the hard way. Keep being the supportive friend you’ve always been, but focus on your own life and marriage. You can’t control Amanda’s choices, only your reaction to them.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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