Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for over 40 years. He is 75, and I’m 70. I’d always felt secure in my husband’s love and devotion and had not had an issue with trust until a younger, single woman in her 50s moved near us about four years ago. He told me he had stopped by to introduce himself, that she’s really nice and that he enjoyed chatting with her. Since then, certain behaviors he’s displayed — and my intuition — lead me to believe he has a strong attraction to her.
I’ve tried to have a friendly chat with her a few times, but she seems to shun me.
Eventually, I knew I had to talk to my husband. I calmly told him what I’d observed. I said he didn’t need to confirm or deny an attraction, and he didn’t. I also said I believe an occasional attraction outside of a marriage is normal and not threatening to a stable marriage. As expected, he assured me of his love, commitment and fidelity.
Since then, I’ve caught him in a few white lies and seen her contact info on his phone when I used it. Her backyard is visible from ours, and I see him staring in her yard several times a day. When we drive by her house, he gawks. This situation is cliche and kind of pathetic. Sometimes I think I should offer him a divorce so he’s free to do what he wants, and I wouldn’t have to suffer the indignities of him having an affair. I’m not sure where to go from here. Please, advise me.
— Trust
Dear Trust: Until there is concrete evidence that your husband is having an affair, I would try to let this go. Forty years is a long time to be married, so just trust in that fact, knowing that your husband has been faithful for a long time. The part that bothers me most is that you have tried to be friendly and she shuns you. Tell your husband about that and that he needs to take your side here. If they want to be friends, then she has to be friendly to you, and if she refuses to be kind to you, then you can insist that your husband back you up and start ignoring your nasty neighbor.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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