Dear Annie: I’ve been in a relationship for almost four years now, and while things with my partner are great, I’ve been feeling increasingly frustrated by how his family treats me—specifically when it comes to birthdays. His family has this tradition where they celebrate every member’s birthday with gifts, cards, and a special acknowledgment. However, despite being part of his life for nearly four years, I’ve never received any of that recognition on my own birthday.
My birthday happens to fall on the same day as his nephew’s, who is in his late 30s, and every year, all the focus goes to him. I’m not expecting grand gestures or extravagant gifts, but just a simple acknowledgment, like a “happy birthday,” would mean so much to me. Unfortunately, that’s never happened. No card. No cake. Not even a casual, “Hey, hope you have a great day.”
To make matters worse, since I’ve been dating my partner, other people have come and gone in the family’s social circle—some of whom they’ve only known for a short time—and they get the full birthday treatment. Cakes, presents, cards, lunches… it’s like they go all out for everyone else, but for me? Nothing. It’s incredibly hurtful, and I can’t help but feel ignored, overlooked, and, frankly, unwanted.
What hurts the most is that I don’t think they have anything personal against me; it just seems like I’m an afterthought. Still, this constant exclusion has left me feeling angry, unappreciated, and a bit resentful. I’ve reached a point where I don’t even want to attend family functions anymore because I feel like I don’t really belong.
I could really use some advice. How do I navigate this situation? Should I bring it up with my partner? Should I keep attending family events despite feeling left out? How can I address this without causing a rift?
—Feeling Forgotten
Dear Feeling Forgotten: The best way to approach this situation is through an honest conversation with your partner. Let them know how hurt and left out you feel. And first, happy birthday! Everyone deserves to feel acknowledged on their birthday by close friends, family, and especially by their partner.
Express your feelings to your partner, and ask if they can speak with their family about including you in the celebration. Rather than judging their family tradition of celebrating each other’s birthdays, try embracing it—and simply ask to be part of the fun!
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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