Dear Annie: I’ve been dating a wonderful man for three years. He’s everything I could want in a partner, and I’m very happy with him. He came out of a long-term marriage that ended in divorce, while I lost my spouse to cancer shortly before we met. For the first year, we kept things casual, but we’ve been serious about a long-term relationship for the past two years.
Here’s the issue: He says he eventually wants to get married, but his actions don’t align with that. After three years together, I would think he’d be ready to take that step if he truly wanted to. I, on the other hand, do want to get married again at some point. Other than this, our relationship is outstanding; we share great chemistry, an emotional connection and similar interests. He’s the greatest love of my life, and I don’t want to jeopardize what we have.
That said, I also feel I deserve a partner who won’t hesitate to commit to marriage when the time comes. I don’t believe in giving ultimatums, but I’m struggling to reconcile staying with someone who may never want to marry. What would you do in my situation?
— Stay or Go
Dear Stay or Go: If marriage is truly important to you and you sense that he may not share the same desire, it’s essential to have an honest and serious conversation with him. Take some time to reflect on why marriage holds such significance for you at this point in your life.
You’ve described a relationship with so many wonderful qualities — great chemistry, emotional connection and shared interests. Those are things many married couples would love to have. It sounds like you’ve built something truly special together.
Keep an open mind and focus on maintaining clear and honest communication. You may find that your relationship can continue to thrive, whether or not marriage is part of the equation.
Dear Annie: I broke up with my ex-boyfriend about two years ago after being together for a little over 20 years. We’re both seniors now. Despite the breakup, I’ve continued to reach out to him on and off when I need certain things, and he always comes back. The pattern is predictable: I call him, we reconnect, I eventually get frustrated or upset and then we stop talking again.
The truth is, I don’t love him anymore, but he insists he still loves me. I think I keep going back to him because he feels familiar and safe, and I know for a fact he hasn’t been with anyone else.
Here’s my dilemma: I would love to find real love again, but at my age, the idea of starting over feels overwhelming. How can I break this cycle with my ex and open myself up to finding someone new? Is it even possible to find meaningful companionship at this stage in life?
— At This Stage in Life
Dear Stage in Life: Yes, it is absolutely possible to find love as a senior! Age is just a number, and you’re only as old as you feel. Start by focusing on what makes you feel youthful, happy and confident. If finding a new relationship sounds like fun, then embrace it wholeheartedly.
While the comfort and familiarity of your on-and-off-again boyfriend might be tempting, remind yourself that anything truly worthwhile takes time and effort. It’s natural to feel hesitant about starting something new, but once you take the leap and open yourself up to new experiences, you might discover it’s not only rewarding but also fun.
Begin by exploring ways to meet new people — join local groups, try senior-focused dating apps, or take up activities and hobbies you’re passionate about. These are great ways to connect with others who share your interests and outlook on life.
Love has no expiration date. By stepping out of your comfort zone, you might find that the best chapters of your life are still ahead. Take that first step — you deserve it.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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