Dear Annie: I’m in a tough spot. A close friend of mine, who I’ve been urging for years to save for a rainy day, is now facing a very real storm. She was diagnosed with breast cancer and is undergoing treatment. Knowing her financial situation — living paycheck to paycheck despite her and her husband’s high-paying jobs — I felt compelled to help with her GoFundMe.
I’ve been managing updates on her journey, but the truth is, she’s always been impulsive with money, spending big bonus checks on gambling, cruises, cars, fancy restaurants and vacations rather than building a safety net. Now, with this diagnosis, her past spending and sharing it all on social media habits are coming back to haunt her.
Many friends and family, seeing her past lavish lifestyle, are reluctant to donate. It’s heartbreaking to see her struggling, but on top of her illness, she’s still indulging in these expensive habits, despite needing to save every penny. I’ve tried talking to her, but she’s in a fragile state, both physically and emotionally.
I feel conflicted. On the one hand, I want to support her through this difficult time, but on the other, I can’t condone her continued spending. I’m planning to distance myself from the GoFundMe, as it feels dishonest to beg for donations for someone who is not prioritizing her own financial recovery. What do you think? How do I balance my friendship with my moral compass in this situation?
— Tough Spot
Dear Tough Spot: Your instinct is correct. If the GoFundMe page does not feel like the funds are going where they should be going, then distancing yourself is a good idea. At the same time, don’t distance yourself from your friend emotionally. She is spending money to run away from the scared and difficult feelings that she is going through undergoing treatment for breast cancer. Be kind to her with your time and words. She needs a friend now more than ever, and not someone in judges’ robes.
Dear Annie: Lost, empty and brokenhearted — that’s how I feel, and I really don’t know how to go on.
My husband and I had just retired. It was our time to relax and enjoy ourselves. My husband worked hard all his life to support his family and to provide a good life for all of us. He was a great man. Two days into our RV trip, my husband went for a motorcycle ride; within an hour, someone hit him from behind so hard he never had a chance.
Please, please let people know to keep their eyes on the road. My husband was the glue to this family. We are falling apart. My husband lost his life. I lost my husband.
I had to sell my RV, and I have nothing left. My whole life is upside down. We had plans and they are all gone. I miss him so much. We were married for 48 years.
The only thing I have now is $250,000 of medical bills for less than 12 hours in the hospital. Every day I see people driving around while using their phones, not paying attention to the road. In one second, an accident can destroy someone’s family. I miss his smile. He always smiled.
— Miss His Smile
Dear Miss His Smile: I am so very sorry for your loss. Thank you very much for your letter. I hope it serves as a reminder for people to pay attention when behind the wheel, and especially not to text and drive. I recommend that you seek out a grief counseling group to help process and cope with your loss.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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