Dear Annie: I recently hosted a gender reveal in my home for my daughter and son-in-law’s first child. I invited family and my closest friends to witness this amazing event. My two best friends were there. They drank the entire time they were here. They chose to single out one particular person I invited — and to treat her very rudely.
At the end of the evening, I called these friends out in my kitchen by themselves about the way they treated her. My one friend began to scream and shout and point her finger at me and then proceed to point at the girl and tell her that she doesn’t like her and has never liked her. The reason is that she doesn’t talk to her daughter at work, and apparently, they both work together. I know alcohol played a role in this behavior; however, it’s been two weeks, and neither one of my friends has apologized.
In fact, my friends feel they did nothing wrong and that I disrespected them. I don’t know where to go with this and would welcome your advice. I don’t really feel I owe them any apology for treating someone so disrespectfully in my home, and the fact that they have not apologized truly makes me wonder if they were ever my friends. Where do I go from here?
— Disappointed Friend
Dear Disappointed Friend: Where you go from here is exactly where you are. If you don’t feel that you owe them an apology, then you certainly don’t owe them one. You are correct that alcohol probably played a role in their rude behavior. You told them how you felt, and now the ball is in their court, not yours. If they want to come back to you and have a conversation (not necessarily an apology) to talk about where they were coming from, then be open to that.
Dear Annie: I was very moved by your letter from “Left Speechless,” the older mom of three children. My parents were so blessed to have me “later in life.” My sister was a miracle baby, and I was a blessing, as my parents always told me. I do recall a time in grade school when one of my classmates asked me if my mother was my grandmother. I remember being very confused and telling him, “No!” I didn’t understand why he said that. (I now realize that his mother was almost half my mother’s age when he made that comment to me, as she had him very, very young.)
I wanted to let “Left Speechless” know that although I lost my mother when I was only 27, for those 27 amazing years, she was the best mother I could have ever asked for. There is something that comes with maturity, wisdom and the intense desire to have children. We were her world, and she loved us like no other. Your three children are just as lucky to have you as a mother as you are to have them!
Unfortunately, we, too, struggled with infertility, and IVF was sadly not an option for us because of the money. I’m sending all my love to “Left Speechless.” Next time, smile bigger and let the whole world know that those kiddos are yours! XO.
— So Blessed
Dear So Blessed: I love your letter. Thank you for sharing. I hope it helps others.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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