Dear Annie: My adult daughter was very close friends with a woman, her husband, and their two teenage daughters. When her friend moved across the country, my daughter was heartbroken. However, they continued to talk, text, and email almost daily. My daughter even traveled across the country and considered the possibility of moving to a nearby town.
Suddenly, and without any apparent reason, her friend “ghosted” her—stopped replying to texts, phone calls, and emails. My daughter is devastated and can’t think of any explanation for this abrupt change.
She took a small potted flower and a card to her friend’s house, expressing love and concern, and asking for help in understanding what happened. The friend’s response was shocking: She texted my daughter, telling her to stay away, not to contact her or her family, and even accused her of “stalking.”
I just want her friend to explain what went wrong. Is that asking too much? In the name of common decency, a simple sentence explaining what led to this sudden end to their friendship would mean a lot. The two of them had recently discussed a similar situation happening to someone else, and they both agreed it would never happen to them.
My daughter is devastated and just wants to understand what happened.
—Need Some Answers
Dear Need Some Answers: You’ve already got your answer. The best advice I can offer you and your daughter is to find a way to let it go. Sometimes, we don’t get the explanations we’re hoping for, and that’s a hard truth we have to accept. While you can’t control how others respond, you do have control over how you react to them.
It seems that this friendship may have run its course, and perhaps it wasn’t built on the qualities that are essential for a healthy relationship—qualities like trustworthiness, empathy, loyalty, and openness. It sounds like this person may not fully understand what it means to be a true friend.
Encourage your daughter to focus on the positive relationships in her life, where those values are present and appreciated. Over time, the pain of this loss will lessen, and she’ll be stronger for having gone through it.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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