Dear Annie: My daughter shared your column with me this morning. The letter from the “Anonymous” husband of an alcoholic touched my daughter deeply, and it made me cry pretty hard. My daughter drank near-lethal quantities of alcohol every day for years. Three or four trips to rehab, AA, DUIs, etc. She is now one year sober and lives with me. She says that the following two things have saved her life:
- The love of her family.
- The PHP (Partial Hospitalization Program) that included medication-assisted treatment and daily (virtual) psychiatrist visits.
I want “Anonymous” to know that I am praying for him and his family. Your wife is still there, under the alcohol. The medications work, and with your support, there is hope.
— Anonymous Mom
Dear Anonymous Mom: Congratulations on your daughter’s sobriety. I can feel the kindness and love through your letter, and for that I am grateful, as I am sure anyone reading your words knows that they are not alone and there are people struggling with the same things. Thank you for writing.
Dear Annie: I’m writing about your response to the husband of an alcoholic wife. I have seen you answer others in the past regarding how Alcoholics Anonymous has helped a lot of people. In this case, I would highly recommend Al-Anon. While I’ve never been to a single Al-Anon meeting in my life, I have been to my share of AA meetings.
After 34 years of drinking and almost destroying my marriage, I went to AA and this time stayed there (it was not my first attempt). My wife went to Al-Anon, where she got to learn about life with an alcoholic. My last drink was on March 3, 2008. Nothing changes if nothing changes.
— Sober in Arizona
Dear Sober: Congratulations on your sobriety. You never gave up and you succeeded and continue to succeed one day at a time.
Dear Annie: The letter from a husband with an alcoholic wife was of great interest to me personally.
First, he must know that there is help out there for him and for her. He simply must look into Al-Anon. I’m on a Facebook forum of this type, and I’ve read countless stories of people who have significantly improved their lot in life due to attending these meetings.
Secondly, for the wife: If she truly wants to quit drinking, she needs to look into Naltrexone. There is a wonderful book describing how this works: “The Cure for Alcoholism.” It works for about 80% of the people who commit to it. There is a forum under the C Three Foundation that is based on this medication, how and why it works, and stories of people’s triumphs and failures. It is a great support tool. (The folks of AA don’t support using this, as the user must also drink while doing so. I know that seems counterintuitive, but one would have to delve into the science to appreciate the reasoning.)
I have prevailed over my own addiction, due solely to the use of this medication and the support of this group (as I wanted to give up — it didn’t seem to be working until I had a life-changing event that alcohol use contributed to). I was then forced to give up the sauce and, lo and behold, once I got past the withdrawals, I never looked back. I had no cravings, no more white-knuckling it, as I had during past attempts. It was truly a miracle. I am going on two years sober. I nearly destroyed myself and my marriage.
I am utterly grateful as can be. I thank God every day as I knew alcohol would eventually do me in.
Hugs to you, and keep up the great work!
— Been There
Dear Been There: Thank you for sharing your success story and telling us how you got sober and are staying sober.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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