Dear Annie: I’ve lost my partner to her phone — can we recover?

Dear Annie: Several years ago, my wife suffered a stroke. As part of her recovery, her doctor recommended a video game to help improve her hand-eye coordination. At first, it seemed like a great idea; it gave her a sense of accomplishment and helped in her healing. But over time, this once-helpful activity has grown into a serious phone addiction.

She now spends close to eight hours a day on her phone, playing games and scrolling endlessly. She eats her meals with the phone right in front of her, hardly noticing me or anything else around her. I try to engage her in conversation, but it’s as if I don’t exist. She no longer contributes to any household chores, cooking, or activities. Most days, she just sits in the kitchen watching TV with her phone in hand, totally immersed in her games.

What’s even harder to deal with is that she’s using her phone to text family members, expressing how unhappy she is and implying that I’m somehow to blame. Now her relatives are rallying against me, believing her portrayal of our situation without knowing the full story.

I‘m at my wits’ end. I want to support her recovery, but her phone has taken over our lives, and it feels like I’m losing my partner to a screen. I’m genuinely considering shutting down her phone as a last resort. What should I do?

— At My Wits’ End

Dear Wits’ End: First off, I am very sorry that your wife suffered a stroke. It must have been incredibly scary and challenging for both of you. Now that she is in the healing process, it seems she has become addicted to a video game on her screen. She’s not alone in this; it’s well-known that video game designers often make these games intentionally addictive to keep people playing.

Try to channel your understandable anger and frustration into a constructive solution to help your wife break this habit. Have an open conversation with her. She might not even be fully aware of how much time she’s spending on the game. Limit her time that she spends gaming, and call her doctor to ask for more healthy pastimes to reduce stress and help her recover from her stroke.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.