Dear Annie: I used to complain about not receiving thank-you notes, but how many times have you been to a shower where, at the end, the gift receiver graciously gives a heartfelt “thank you”?
In this day and age, it really doesn’t mean that a person isn’t grateful. It has been drilled into their heads to text and to send an answer right away. Next time you see the person, say “thank you,” and remember that a “thank you” is still a “thank you” even if it’s not written on a piece of paper.
I still write thank-you notes, but that’s me. It’s part of my growing up when it was the thing you do.
— Another Perspective
Dear Another Perspective: I like your letter because you are giving people the benefit of the doubt. You are assuming that their in-person “thank you” was heartfelt and that was enough for you to feel appreciated.
Dear Annie: I do not engage in social media platforms for a few reasons. First and foremost, I cherish face-to-face communication along with the sound of another’s voice and real human interaction. I long for it. It is not as if I never gave social media a chance. I did, for years.
I found that people are very superficial online and that seeing that side of people actually made me feel very different about them. I chose to take it all down before I began working at a school.
Ever since then, people I thought I was close to — those I considered my inner circle and even my own siblings — have slowly stopped communicating with me. It almost seems as if, if you are not on Facebook, you don’t exist. I call or text people and they do not respond. There are very few who seem to understand that the phone works both ways.
I will run into people I have known most of my life who seem excited to see me; they ask where I have been, and they ask if I am on Facebook. When I tell them I do not use social media, I often tell them I have had the same phone number and email address for 25 years and inform them that I have reached out to them — by text, phone or email — and have gotten no response. The reply I get comes across as lazy to me. It is usually, “Oh, I don’t have time to sit on the phone.” Yet they will have the time to spend hours on social media, even posting pictures of what they eat.
Am I doomed to a life of solitude if I don’t give in to the worldwide obsession with social media? The loss of social skills in this world concerns me.
— No Communication
Dear No Communication: There is nothing wrong with not wanting to be on social media. My guess is that you will have more “quality friends” over many “quantity friends.” Would you rather have four silver quarters or 100 pennies in your pocket? You will get the quality if you continue to be you. Listen to your intuition about not wanting social media. You are ahead of your time. People are becoming increasingly aware of the negative impact of social media on their mental health.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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