Dear Annie: I’ve been dating a wonderful woman for almost a year now and have recently noticed some odd behaviors. The one that concerns me the most is the way she’s been dressing. Case in point: We were invited to a pool party and barbecue at a friend’s house.
When I picked her up, she was dressed as if she were going to a high-powered business meeting, complete with heels and a Gucci purse.
The second time, we were going to a memorial service for one of her co-workers’ husbands, and she was dressed in shorts and a T-shirt. The third time, she dressed in sweatpants and a T-shirt for dinner out with friends at an upscale restaurant for their 35th anniversary. We’ve both gotten some interesting looks about her appearance.
I’ve tried talking to her several times about her dressing inappropriately for certain outings and hit a stone wall. I’ve also reached out to her close friend who was no help. It’s gotten to the point I am considering not going out on the weekends with her. How can I deal with this? It’s beginning to affect me at work.
— Stonewalled
Dear Stonewalled: The most concerning thing about this situation isn’t so much the fashion choices themselves, but that your girlfriend has started acting so differently seemingly out of the blue, with little regard for the social context around her.
Can you think of anything that might have led to this disconnect? Does she have family or other close friends you can try talking to instead about it? This, and the other odd behaviors you mentioned but didn’t detail further, I fear, could be a sign of something bigger going on.
Dear Annie: I am an older mom of three toddlers. My husband and I tried for many years to have children and were not successful on our own, but with the help of IVF, we now have three beautiful children.
Our oldest is 5 and I am now 55. I knew having children later in life would come with questions, but some people can be so hurtful. Strangers have said, “What beautiful children — are you Mom or Grandma?” What business is it of theirs, and how is me answering that question going to make their day better? In this diverse world we live in, it seems like it’s so acceptable to have two moms or two dads. Why is it not acceptable to be an older mom? What would be a proper reply to someone who asks?
— Left Speechless
Dear Speechless: I’m so sorry you’ve felt judged and unaccepted by people who are clearly ignorant of the journey you’ve been through to create your family. The next time it comes up, try a simple but confident, “I’m their mom and very grateful to be.” This answers their question while hopefully shutting the door on any further comments.
As annoying and hurtful as the people posing these questions can be, remember that their opinions are unimportant. All that matters is your family’s health, happiness and well-being.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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