I’ve been with my spouse for nine years. Lately, I feel he’s so distant, and I can’t help but be bothered by it. About a year ago, everything changed. He started hiding his phone, being secretive with his friends, had multiple social media accounts, etc.
I’ve had a gut feeling for a while, and when I talked to him about it, he told me to never trust my gut, which left me confused because my whole life, my gut has always been right. I’ve talked to him about his change in behavior many times, and he either gets upset and flips it on me or I just get the silent treatment.
I’m still with him. I love this man so much, and I could see him being my forever. But I’m at a point in my life where I’m ready to grow and put my dreams into reality. I would love for him to be the one beside me for that, but for the life of me, I cannot not think about how he’s acting. I just want to know for sure what’s going on, but I feel like I’m never really going to know or get the truth out of him.
They say what happens in the dark always comes to the light. But when? I don’t want to work on things and then find out my gut was right and it breaks my heart even more. I want to trust him and grow old together, but at this point, I don’t know what to do. Can you help?
—Torn Between Love and Doubt
Dear Torn: Your gut has been sending you a message — and you should absolutely trust it. Your spouse has been stringing you along, dismissing every red flag you’ve noticed and gaslighting you into doubting yourself. In a healthy, loving relationship, he would be doing whatever is necessary to ease your anxiety and prove he can be trusted. The truth here is, he can’t be.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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