Dear Annie: I have read the letters from the grandmothers who are feeling left out. I am in the same situation. My mother always told me that when your son marries, he will be more connected with the wife’s family. I have found that it is true. They have not forgotten us. We get our share of holidays and are acknowledged on birthdays, anniversaries, etc.
But while their house has a wide selection of photos of her parents, nieces and nephews, etc., and all the events and trips they take together, there’s none of my son’s side of the family. I have had everyone at photo shoots and paid for pictures for everyone. But they are nowhere to be seen. Perhaps they are hanging in a closet.
I love my son, daughter-in-law and grandson but do feel we are not equal to the other side. I am glad my mother warned me, and I just love them and take what we get. I did bring him up to be independent, and we don’t interfere, but are always there when needed. I am glad they are happy and will never bring this up for fear of causing them a problem.
—A Son’s Mother
Dear Son’s Mother: You sound like a wonderful mother, and I want to share your letter to remind sons to reach out to their moms. It’s not just the responsibility of their wives. Below is a letter that highlights what a daughter-in-law might be thinking.
Dear Annie: I’ve seen several letters from grandmothers who feel hurt because they don’t see their grandchildren as much as they’d like. Often, the daughters-in-law are blamed for this, but the sons are rarely mentioned.
As a daughter-in-law, here’s something I wish I could share:
Your son is not always making plans or staying in touch. I understand that you may feel left out, but putting the blame on your daughter-in-law can strain things further.
Your son is an adult, and while I love and support him, it’s important to remember that he is fully capable of managing his own relationships, including the one with you. Expecting me to handle it on his behalf not only creates unnecessary tension but also diminishes his role in the relationship.
I value my in-laws and encourage my husband to stay connected. I often suggest visiting for the holidays, but ultimately, the decision is his. If he took the initiative, I would be more than happy to go along. But it’s important that he takes the lead when it comes to his family.
Like many, I juggle work, household duties, and children, and it can be overwhelming at times. Please know it’s not a lack of care on my part, but it’s difficult to maintain everything. If you’re feeling hurt, the best person to talk to is your son.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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